Is There Really Life After High School?...From the Diary of a High School Reject

High school was a weird time for me, not surprisingly for my daughter too, which is why I think I have always been "hyper-sensitive" towards kids that don't fit in. The irony in all of this is that I now teach high school, but before I go on I have to be really honest, teaching high school was not my first choice. I love kids at any age, but I have to admit I really enjoy the energy and fun that flows from elementary age children. The older kids get the harder it is for some of them to fit in, especially when dealing with others. It is a time when a lot of students report that they feel the most misunderstood. I can relate to that. Many pull away from their parents, and rely on kids their own age to confide in. But, what about those of us that felt we didn't have a confidant, even in those our own age? I see the kids that don't fit and the strong desire they have to run away from everyone else...A desire that can sometimes manifest itself into something really scary. These kids today really do have it much harder than we did when I was growing up. A sign of the times no doubt.

Today, I was faced with the decision of whether or not to attend my 25th year high school reunion. A big part of me really wanted to attend. The last time my class had a reunion was the 10th year; but I couldn't attend. I was living pretty far away, in Southern California, at that time and too focused on what was going on in my life then (okay I was broke). I figured I would catch the next one. I had no idea 15 years would pass before there would be another one. Now at year 25 things are different. I live much closer, just a little under 75 miles outside of the small town where I attended high school; so, getting there wasn't as big a challenge, plus I hadn't seen many of my friends in 25 years. A few I reconnected with on Facebook and that class reunion site. At least a half dozen or so of them that I never forgot I really, really wanted to see again; although I was a little intimidated over the challenge of remembering everyone else. I imagined my embarrassment over all the awkward conversions I was bound to have throughout the night...well if anyone even bothered to talk to me.

Why?...because truthfully...high school for me was painful. I left high school confused, pregnant, and broken hearted. Not to mention through all of this my father was dealing with the bitter disappointment, and despair over my uncertain future, and delicate state. No one knew all the pain I was going through, because I wasn't popular. Who cared really? I remember my stepmother calling my closest friends, "sweat hogs"...Most gen Xer's and baby-boomers know what a sweat hog is from the TV show "Welcome Back Carter" where John Travolta got his start. For those of you who don't know what a "sweat hog" is...they were losers...and in a sea of uncertainty I was very lost.

Well to make a long story short none of that mattered anymore. I got my life together, had some fun along the way, and I am now past all that pain or so I thought? I am certainly not past the fear of the unknown. My yearbooks are in storage, so I have no help at my finger tips now in trying to figure out how I was going to recognize or remember people. Who would I talk to? What would I say?...

As fate would have it...I didn't attend. I had a flat tire, which just deflated my whole day. Too tired to deal with it, I had just returned from a recent trip a few days prior to the reunion...So, I gave up and afterwards started to feel regret...I would have liked to have known. Did anyone remember me? Was I even missed? I always tell my students, as I told my daughter during her difficult school days, keep your head up. Life can be a wonderful adventure, or a painful trip...it's your choice. Make the best of it and keep moving forward...Although it would have been nice to peer back into the looking glass for just a moment, I let that moment pass...crap I hate regret!!

In the long run...I am really proud. Even if I didn't get to share it with anyone tonight I am amazed at the path my life took! I would have never guessed I would end up where I am today. Now don't get me wrong. I am not wealthy, don't wear expensive clothes....I don't own my home (yet); but, none of that matters either, because I have choices. If any of that really mattered to me, I would have it. The point I am trying to make is this...Life is TOO short to destroy early on...really at any time...

For those of us that didn't or don't fit in...it is amazing what a positive attitude and a never surrendering self-determination can do. I survived life after high school and I can say with certainty to my students...my kids....So can you!!!...THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!!..

High school is survivable and it really isn't the end of your life. Let's get out there and make some good decisions together shall we!!

Ms. B